More Than the Baby Blues: Understanding Post Partum Anxiety

Going into Post Partum with education and support is key to a healthy recovery.

This piece may have a more serious tone but, it is because it’s a topic that is close to my heart. If you read the oh so popular, “ What to Expect When You’re Expecting” you were debriefed on the Post Partum blues, emphasis on the BREIF. I can tell you from experience within the first two weeks those blues creep in however, it’s when that feeling stays, that it becomes a problem.

The Post Partum Blues are due to a hormonal shift from birth and the lifestyle change that comes from having a newborn. Look at it this way, your body is in absolute hormonal warfare. On top of that warfare you’re also getting broken, limited sleep that can be so taxing on your healing body. With a village and some extra sleep, typically this will reside. Though, your feelings are extremely valid and should be treated seriously even if it is temporary.

As for Post Partum Anxiety, it can be debilitating and even affect the relationship you are trying to create with your newborn. I can say this was certainty, because I was personally affected by it. The anxiety had built up through the pregnancy but nothing could prepare me for the explosion that was about to come. As soon as he was earth side, I suddenly felt the loss of control. He no longer was inside me and instead in a world, where I couldn't always keep him safe.

The confidence left me so fast, I wasn't even able to change a single diaper of his while we were at the hospital. I held him when he needed to be fed but, more than anything I just watched him and counted his breaths. I feared anyone being near him in case that brought illness. I isolated myself, thinking I was protecting him but, in reality I was shutting myself out during an extremely vulnerable time. I couldn't sleep due to the intense anxiety of something possibly happening to him while he slept.

I can vividly remember breast feeding him and tears would run down my face. The constant darkness of the room, the isolation, the constant of being needed. I truly felt like I was becoming one with those four walls. I was imprisoned mentally and physically. Then the feeling of imprisonment caused so much guilt because, I loved my son, but I did not love this season. I battled with how I could love him if I didn't love this phase of caring for him but, it turns out two things can exist at once. I did in fact love my son but, the hormonal shift, lack of sleep, and uncertainty in my personal life did not make for an easy season.

I reached out for help, and I did seek a therapist and psychiatrist to guide me through this mental storm. There are still some months I can't recollect memories from and the guilt is so strong from that. However, I try to remind myself that the mind can only do so much when it has to focus on surviving and not just living. Post partum isn't easy and it can break you down before it builds you back up but, you can come back stronger. Please do not feel guilt if you have had or are having a similar post partum experience. If you do anything, please let it be reaching out for help. If you do not have a village, I have listed resources below that can offer assistance. You are loved, you are needed, and it is more than okay to need help.

Maternal Health Resources:

National Maternal Mental Health Hotline:

1-833-TLC-MAMA (1-833-852-6262)

Postpartum Support International (PSI):

(1-800-944-4PPD)

Office On Women's Health:

https://womenshealth.gov/TalkingPPD